The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
