I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
