So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I just googled if crying burns calories
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It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My penis needs a shock collar
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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