I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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