Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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