Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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