On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
