I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
