She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
