Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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