Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
