i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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