Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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