If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
