i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It's no shave November. This is our time.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
