To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
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