I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
