Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
