I showed him my bush... on skype.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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