why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
