I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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