We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
