she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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