i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
