How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
