I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
