I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
