I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
