what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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