shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
