I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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