I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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