So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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