If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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