You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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