Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Randomize
