Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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