I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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