I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
