I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
