$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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