had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize