he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
