well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
