Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
