i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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