well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
