3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
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I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
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Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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