My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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