I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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