Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
