His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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