Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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