There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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