Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
