why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
