Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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