Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
