are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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