i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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