hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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