Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
