I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
