I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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