i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
