I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
