Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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