Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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