I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
my poor anus
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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