May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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