thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
