I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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