be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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