As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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