so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
