Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
my being single is dangerous.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
