he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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