i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
