jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
