You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
