there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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